40 Things They Don’t Tell You Before You Turn 40!

1. You will actually poop with a child on your lap.

2. Pain is a part of growing older. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.

3. You are on the verge of readers.

4. You will think 9:30 pm on a Friday night is late.

5. You have no control in so many areas of your life, especially how you give birth. Plan all you want – it is up to the
unborn child.

6. The universe/divine/god has a bigger plan for you.

7. Have a plan and or a goal and be willing to let it go. Don’t hold so tight you choke it.

8. Everything happens for you and not to you! (Big difference)

9. Hangovers get WAY WORSE.

10. It becomes more about the company you keep and less about the chic new spot.

11. Friends will come in and out yet your ride and dies will be there regardless.

12. Use UNDER EYE CREAM. I mean start at 25 and do it consistently.

13. People die. It hurts. It rips you in half and you WILL BREATHE AGAIN.

14. Do not give two shits on things that in the big picture does not matter.

15. You will let things go way easier.

16. NOT everyone is staring at you when you walk into a room so chill with the outfit anxiety.

17. I am against bestiality.

18. Independence sucks INTERDEPENDENCE is where it matters.

19. It takes a tribe to raise me…and I welcome it!

20. Boobs will sag.

21. You will forget your age…hell you start forgetting everything.

22. Being a mom you will think about your kids ALWAYS.

23. Your ass starts to expand and you may get hemorrhoids. Mortified.

24. You will not care what others think about you. Seriously you will really not care.

25. Contractions hurt. hurt ALOT. hurt where you beg for your life!

26. You will been peed on, pooped on and puked on…never did I think I would allow this.

27. You will go to work with your shirt inside out.

28. You will choose sleep.

29. Never forget your girlfriends. Men die first (Wise words from Grandma Sophie).

30. Just as easy to fall for a rich man as it is a poor one (Per Grandma).

31. Own real estate (Per Grandma).

32. You will say at some point “when I was your age.”

33. After birth your vag and boobs are never the same and have different priorities.

34. Take 5 minutes a day just for you!

35. Have a go to outfit and accessories.

36. Splurge on a great glass of wine every so often, otherwise the gallon works.

37. Eyebrows shape your face = can make you look more youthful.

38. Embrace your naturally dewy youthful glow.

39. Tattoos are awesome at any age. own it.

40. Marriage takes work, dedication and desire.

BONUSES BELOW!

41. Just cry in the shower. It helps.

42. Must watch Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias by yourself with tissues.

43. I can put ice in my red wine and I do not care if your not suppose too.

44. I like to be alone.

45. Always be nice to people in the service industry ie waitress, bartenders, fast food cashiers (i worked in these and crazy stuff may happen to you food)

46. Look up. Always look up.

47. Call your grandparents and parents at least once a week at minimum.

48. Check your man’s credit score before you marry him.

49. Travel with your friends at least once.

50. Learn to manage your money and save. Yes save, 401K whatever just do it.

51. We are all one!

With courage, grace and lady balls,

Jackie